I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
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