My friends, they love my intelligence
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I need to align my fucking chakras
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
