I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
