just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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