____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize