dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
