just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
