i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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