i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
