We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
either way he was missing a nipple.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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