the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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