I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
