What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
