I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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