dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
