We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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