I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
