the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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