he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize