2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize