I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
