people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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