so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize