I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
