I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize