How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
