I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
