After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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