and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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