We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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