the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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