I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
