yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
