My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
