alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
