I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
