I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
