Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
