I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
