Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
