What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
two words...techno handjob
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
