Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
