I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
