Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
