guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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