he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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