even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
