Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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