Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
