matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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