i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
