i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize