Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
