I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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