just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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