I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
