Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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