ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
