i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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