It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
