I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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