just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
