i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
