Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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