dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize