Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
