i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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