I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
