how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
