Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I cockslap morals
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
