I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
