Don't make out with my wife yet
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
