You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
