remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
