I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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