I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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